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Chiara: Or if they don’t want to talk to you then there’s just silence. I’ve noticed that if I show a little too much enthusiasm or come across as too independent, that will trigger silence.Like if I initiate wanting to meet that puts some guys off here.

Chiara: I heard too that Japanese men weren’t so interested in foreign women but my experience is kind of the opposite.

But you don’t know if they’re interested in you as a person or because of your foreignness.

I mean I think that people will go on lots and lots of dates, going in and out of relationships over their twenties and kind of assessing what they want before they settle down.

Chiara: Hmmm there’s a lot of pressure for both sides to get married and establish at least the appearance of a stable family unit as soon as possible.

Chiara: I know some married couples and the first meeting is usually through friends or at university. Rebecca: I think quite a common thing among foreign girls who are in relationships with Japanese guys is that generally the guy has lived abroad or has some sort of not-typical Japanese perspective that makes him attracted to foreign girls.

Even my boyfriend who is pretty confident had to wait for a friend of mine to set-up a dinner where we could meet before he could work up the courage to ask me out. Christa: Yeah I went on this one date and the guy spent most of the time on his phone and it was really awkward.Rebecca: Actually I think that must be difficult for foreign guys especially.I don’t know if it’s true or not but I have heard that there are some Japanese girls who look to specifically date foreign guys because they’re seen as cool or ‘ikemen’.Christa: I feel like I have the same conversation over and over again because my language skills aren’t good enough.Anthony: Is there really a casual dating culture here?Finding love in the modern age is a tricky business for us ladies; there’s attractive profiles to create, emoticons to choose and the general deciphering of Tinder captions – ‘I feel how pizza tastes’… Throw in some culture shock, the language barrier and a completely different set of rules and you have something like dating in Japan.In the name of research, Gaijin Pot got together three different women (UK, USA and Italy) to share their experiences of dating in Japan. Chiara: I thought that they didn’t find me attractive so I wasn’t really interested in Japanese guys, even though I was attracted to them.But after they said goodbye and he messaged her saying he wanted to see her again so there’s obviously some kind of cultural dislocate there.Anthony: I’ve heard so many stories like that where people go on dates and it’s a weird, awkward situation but then later they message you as if it was the best date ever. I feel that Japanese men scare quite easily and as a foreigner you won’t know exactly what it was that freaked them out.Not to say that’s true for every foreign guy here but you do see a lot more couples made up of Japanese girls and non-Japanese guys around.Chiara: With foreign guys it’s easier to figure them out I think.

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